Feeling pretty lonely, a little depressed, but not terrible...just...blah...
Planned on spending the rest of the weekend as myself. Didn't plan on my ex spending the weekend with her BFF....who happens to be my neighbour. Plus she still has her keys...so, instead of enjoying life, I'm on my best behavior -and that is never fun! One more month and I won't have to worry about it so much.
Thought all day about the possibilities of transitioning. Could I do it? Am I strong enough? I really don't know, but I think the fact that I'm thinking about it is a sign I want to at least make more changes about who I am. A friend has recommended therapy to help me get more in touch with myself, and I think in the new year I'm going to take her advice. I mean, it's way off in the future if I ever decide to go the transition route -I'm not even really OUT -I just think about things like that a lot. Like am I willing to accept my life the way it is for the rest of my life, or do I want to try to be the girl I've always wanted to be?
Did some online window shopping tonight, read a bunch of articles and blogs about trans issues, and...oh...washed some dishes. Saturday night!
I wish I had someone in my life I trusted enough or who was accepting enough that I could really open up to. I have several wonderful online friends, but, they have their own lives too. I don't know, maybe it's just a blah mood I'm in, maybe I'm just frustrated by the life I see so close to becoming real but is just a little out of reach, maybe I'm disappointed for waiting so long to embrace what I want. I really don't know..
Sorry for being a downer, I just wanted to get some thoughts out of my head, because they are troubling me at the moment.
I hope you all are doing well, and thank you for reading.
Love,
-Cintia
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