I now consider
September 30th my birthday.
A little about me.
I'm 33.I drink more
than I should. I smoke too much. I eat healthy though. I recently
broke up with my girlfriend who I was living with for the last two
years (for unrelated reasons). I'm 6'2”. I'm male (physically). I
have always felt like a female, born in the wrong body...you've
probably heard this before. I have male pattern baldness so I shave
my head. I shave everything. I love lipstick. I love hockey. I love
music, and I love art. I love to write -but have no concept of
punctuation. I loved my ex.
I've dressed in secret
since I was a pre-teen. Been caught a few times awkwardly. But
generally lived the masculine life people assumed I should have.
Basically, while people might think of me as a little odd, I'm
presenting the facade of an average man. I've been miserable, lost,
and feeling alone (when not online) most of my life. Until....
I began dressing again.
Regularly -I live alone now. And that's okay. I've spent October so
far, despite 16 hours (at work) en femme. It feels so right! For the
first time in years I feel happy, I feel carefree, I feel....alive!
I don't know if this
will mean anything to anyone, but reading and watching things online
has made me feel like I should share or at least talk about
my....change. I have sooooooo much respect for everyone in this
community. Maybe I'm not a part of it, you can hate if you want, but
I want to share my experience.
So, I realized, after
the ex left, that I am finally free to do what I want, to be who I
choose, to line-drop Soup
Dragons lyrics. Any ol' time.
I ordered a bunch of
clothes and make-up online. Through Walmart Canada. They don't have
the best selection, but I did surprisingly well. Sizing wasn't much
of an issue, although I definitely picked the wrong shade of
foundation. More on that later. I've since made orders through
Victoria's Secret, Sephoria, and Stag Shop. Sexy Sexy Sexy! (Or
horribly awkward)
So I ordered from
Walmart. They have general things to get me started, but nothing very
sexy or exciting. That said, they are female clothes brought to my
door in an unmarked box that shipped in 48 hours. The mail carrier
doesn't even know he's my cross-dressing supplier!
So, I had to go out
that night -the night my items arrived. (helping a friend learn
guitar). But I was two hours late because I couldn't resist trying
things on. Teaching him how to play Blue
Rodeo songs wasn't cutting it,all I could think about was getting
back home and putting my stockings back on.
Next day -day off, I
re-acquainted myself with makeup. Skynet
went over better. However I kept at it. I watched some videos on
YouTube, read some fashion websites....and now, I'm not anywhere near
passable, but sooooooooooooooo much better.
Night and day. That's
how much I have learned in this last week. How to shade, how to
properly apply mascara, how pink lipstick doesn't look good on me.
I've placed two more
orders online. I've learned ways to make your male chest look like
breasts. I've discovered contouring powder! I have placed my first
order with Victoria's Secret! I have just now painted my
toenails....bright pink!
There are people out
there who will say I'm an amateur. That is fine. I am. I'm just
trying to share my experience.
I'm not ready to come
out yet (besides to my mail carrier- because WTF), but I feel I am
making progress.
Currently what I have:
6 Bras
3 Panties
5 pairs of Pantyhose
Essential Makeup
3 Dresses
2 pairs of Yoga Pants
1 Waist Cincher
1 Camisole
On Order:
1 Wig
1 Corset
6 Dresses
2 pairs of leggings
1 pair of pink jeans
3 pairs of thigh high
stockings
2 VS Push Up Bra's
Makeup Forever
Contouring Powder
Various Lip liners and
Lipsticks
Brushes
Highlighter Pen
Next step-Leather/PVC
I love my new life.
-Me
