Merry Christmas!

Hi Everybody!

I am sorry for my absence for anyone that is interested, but I've been super busy with work.Not enough Cintia time.

I'm doing well for the most part, and when I get more time I will post some new photos and stories from recent events.

I just wanted to wish everyone a merry Christmas -while I'm not a believer,  I do like the getting together with family aspect of it. I also like the day off from work!

I hope you all are well and I wish you nothing but the best :)

Love,
Cintia!

Lips

Tonight, a girl came into my store who is a regular customer. She's very nice, we get along well. Out of character, I mean, from what I know of her, she was wearing a dark red lip, very similar to the one pictured. 

I'm not meaning this to come across as a negative thing, but it didn't look...right. It was bleeding and it was like she was trying something new -which is awesome, but there was so much of me fighting the urge to say, "Girlfriend, we gotta work on that!"

You've seen my photos -I'm obviously no expert, but I know I a little bit, and she doesn't normally wear such a bold shade. A little bit of liner would have solved the issue. Maybe she was in a hurry, or maybe just having a bad day, or is cool enough to not worry about things like that....that's not the point...What I'm trying to say is that I wanted to have a makeup conversation with her, and it frustrated me that I didn't. That I couldn't.

All that really matters is that she liked the colour when she put it on, and it was an awesome colour,, and I would love to be able to at least rock the same lip on a daily basis. Does this make me a bad person?

It's more about me noticing things through my (little) experience than judging, and things I've learned and read..  Seriously, I just wish I could have more makeup talk in my life and maybe that's what this is all about.

Sigh...I really need a girl's night!

Conclusion: Very nice girl. Noticed something. Not judging. Longing for girly conversations. Trying not to sound like a bitch. Sharing. Am I a terrible person?

-C
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No connection to this post, just a song I love.

Getting Better

Thanks to a couple friends I'm feeling a little better today. I'm sorry if I depressed anyone. Sometimes I use this as a diary, and type just to get thoughts and feelings out. That doesn't mean I don't feel what I type, but it does mean that I ramble sometimes.

So, yeah, I took some advice and feel better about things today. Sometimes I just need some feedback. Maybe that makes me fragile, which I believe I am, but loneliness and depression, they bring the worst out in me and possibly make me complain too much. I'm sorry.

I painted my toes and wore my panties to work again, it had been 5 days, maybe that started my depression? I felt okay today. I felt better. I felt like at least in touch with myself.

Then I heard this song come on my iPOD while it was on shuffle, and it became my mantra for the day.
I usually try to seperate music and text, but this one got my trams ass through high school. Plus I think the chord structure is amazing.  And now the lead singer is working for HNIC (Hockey Night In Canada....big deal if you don`t live here)...so that makes it even cooler.

I`m up and down, and I apologize for that, expect more of the same from me. But I love all my followers, and appreciate all their support.

I may not be beautiful the way the world expects, but that does not mean I can`t be beautiful in my own way.

Thanks to all of you for leading me out of the darkness. I can see the light:)

Love, Cintia

I'm in a funk. It's been days since my last post. I'm depressed. I've had all this time to myself, to be myself...and I wasted it because I was too depressed. Apparently starring at the wall is better than living my life. I feel like such a fool.

Every time I look in the mirror I get sad. I hate it. I want to see ME staring back. But I don't. Not right now at least. I see all my flaws, including the invisible ones. 

I woke up at 8am and lied in bed until almost noon today. I didn't want to take on the world. I was scared. I know it's silly, but I just couldn't do it.

I went out to some stores because I needed to get some things, but I was in a daze, lost in the supermarket (Joe Strumer). I'm not present. I'm not in a good state. Spinach, Laundry Detergent, Broccoli, Tissues...I was back and forth in the store. I would like to see the security footage.

I feel alone. I see trans  girls on my tumblr feed and it looks like they have it all together...or at least somewhat. I'm jealous. But not in a bad way, maybe envious is a better word. That's a sin apparently...good thing I don't believe in that stuff. Maybe it's Beyonce's fault, I've been listening to her music non-stop...she's so fabulous....maybe I should blame her for my less than fabulous life:)

Funny, I don't have the fear of walking into a store and buying cosmetics right now. I mean I haven't done so, but I linger and it after my experience last week I feel fine about it now. I don't care. I just haven't wanted to do anything. WTF is wrong with me?

I wish there were some kind of pill I could take that would make me shorter, my shoulders slimmer, and my voice less......you know.  It's all these things that depress me.

I'm built like a (hockey reference) power-forward, but actually I am delicate. It's not fair, it's not something  I chose, and it's not something that should be judged.  But that's the world we live in.

I Googled "tall actresses" todday. That was the only thing that made me feel better.

If anyone has any advice or anything to share I really could use it. I'm in a really dark place. Comments are no longer moderated -let the haters hate.

Thanks,
-C