After chickening out on Monday, I built up my courage, refocused, and took a big step today -at least it was for me.
I'd been having trouble getting the right foundation shade for my skin, and fed up with waiting for online deliveries I decided to actually go out and do something about it.
I had a lot of support in this from one of my online friends, and I really thank her for all her support. Without her, I wouldn't have any strength. Love ya!
So, yeah, as I said, I chickened out on Monday, which ended with a lot of tears in the parking lot, and being mad at myself. I felt better today, and said whatever, I can do this.
So I pulled up to the Shopper's Drug Mart, and it was kind of busy. I got out of my car, panicked and got back in my car and left the parking lot. This wasn't going well. Then I girled up and made a u-turn. I was doing this. I parked again, adjusted my panties, and walked into the store.
If anyone who lives in Canada has been in a SDM they know you are immediately in the cosmetics section when you walk in, and there was a nice French-Canadian girl who greeted me, I smiled, felt that panic coming back, and walked up the main cosmetics aisle.
I went in, ughhh, boy-mode, but with subtle girly undertones (tight jeans that obviously show my panty line, feminine scarf, and a sniff of girls perfume). I'm tall. I'm not someone who would generally be perceived to be browsing that section, so I figured it would be better to just do what I came here for.
Finding the girl who greeted me who was stocking perfume on shelves, I shyly walked over and asked her, "Hi, I was...I was wondering...if you could h-help me. I'd like to buy some makeup." She turned and said, "Yes, no problem, what are you looking for?" I was slightly shaking, "I need some help finding a foundation and powder that are right for my skin."
I think I said, "I'm sorry, I'm just so nervous" At least 12 times.
She smiled, and asked me what price range I was looking for, I told her mid-range. She led me around the corner and asked me questions like if I wanted a powder or liquid, I told her I have liquid but whatever she thought would look best on me. She smiled again. She was soooo nice! She picked out a couple of shades and then excused her self for a minute. She quickly returned with some makeup removal wipes and some sponges. She asked if it would be okay if she tested them out, as it would be the best way to determine the match. I was so terrified, people were walking past the aisle, seeing me, doing double takes, but I thought to myself that I've always wanted this. I've always wanted professional advice -I said, "Sure"
So she put the foundation on the sponge, then started applying it to half my face. I'm like a foot taller than her too, it was weird, but she made me feel safe. She stopped, then put her hand on my shoulder and smiled again "This one looks okay, but let me try one more" Still more people are walking by watching, but I just stared ahead shaking, almost on the verge of (happiness) tears, staring at the L'Oreal lipstick display thinking I should buy some of those too. So she started again with the second one on the other half and told me this one was much better, it really suits your complexion. She handed me a mirror, I only took a brief look, but it did look so much better. I was fighting back the tears so hard. Then as I stood there shaking she started wiping off the makeup for me and asked me if there was anything else she could get for me. I wanted to buy some new lipsticks, and she knew I did, I'd been staring at them. But I just said no, I didn't want to cry in the store.
So she led me over to the beauty department cash so I didn't have to wait in line with the rest of the store, and signed me up for an Optimum card -if they can figure out what I wrote good for them, my hand was shaking soooo much. She threw in a exfoliating face mask, and a couple of tubes of moisturizers, and gave me some tips on how to use it all. Then she gave me her business card with the hours she works, and told me to come back anytime. I thanked her with actual tears in my eyes now, and left the store.
I got in my car, now sobbing about how great and respectful she was. I realize a sale is a sale, but, to me it was so much more - it was a lifetime of fear being overcome and not being judged (overtly)...I will definitley go back there.
I'm sobbing again just thinking about this.
Immediately I sent a message to my friend telling her, that I did it. I know she'd be proud of me. Maybe it's not the biggest step to you, but it really meant a lot to me.
If I can be awkwardly standing in the cosmetics department having makeup applied to me and survive, what else can I do? I may not go back next week, but, maybe in the future I'll go back dressed completely. I don't know. I'm just happy, for not being judged and being treated like a human being -the absolute only way anyone should be treated.
Thanks,
Love -Cintia
PLEASE -Any comment would be appreciated!
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Dear Canada Post, where the hell are you with my packages? It's been a week, and almost everything else I've ordered has come in a couple days-what's the ish? I'd write you a letter, but frankly I don't know how to use those stamp thingies anymore, and I doubt the letter would reach you before the end of the year.