Hello everyone. This is me. This is Cintia...phase one (okay I posted a photo a couple weeks ago, but this time I'm showing my face). I had a bit of a freak out yesterday, and I'm sorry. I had a rough couple days, but I'm feeling good again.

I made some mistakes that could have been VERY bad, but I calmed myself down, stopped being so dramatic, and just told myself to calm the fuck down.

This is me about ten minutes ago.  I'm not very good with selfies, and this was the best of the bunch...I blurred out the background, and added the minimalist filter I had in a poor attempt to keep some anonymity -but I imagine this is a version of how I would looked born female...not having any knowledge of makeup application, only one ear pierced, and closer, but not quite there on finding my correct foundation shade. Still can't do my eyes! If you saw me on the street I imagine you'd be able to put two and two together. I'm frightened and happy right now.

Point two five seconds later and I may have been making a nice smile..but, as I said, new to selfies, never really wanted to see myself. That guy is boring, Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnyway.

Whatever.  So I feel like I grew today.  I've been complaining about my dresses and other things I ordered from Forever21 not showing up in a timely manner. The short story is that the courier messed things up and after three days of talking to customer service I told them, "Fine, I'll just pick it up." It wasn't to far from my place, so I went to their depot.

I got there, sat anxiously for a minute in my car then went in. Of course there were three pretty women working the counter, and a lobby full of burly construction working type men. So, I walked to the counter and asked for my order. The girl came back. She needed ID, I gave her my license, but forgot that I hadn't changed my address in over a year for car insurance reasons.  It hasn't been a problem until now.  She couldn't give me the package because my ID address didn't match the shipping address. So there I am arguing over a bright yellow bag clearly labelled Forever21 in a lobby full of men dropping off motor parts, steel, or whatever THEY do, until one of the girls asks if maybe I have an e-mail from the website. I had my PRIVATE email account on my phone, brought up my e-mail receipt, clearly showing everything I ordered. My longish now nails holding the phone for her to read. They were cool enough about it, I'm sure they see guys picking up odd things all the time.

So, finally it was all worked out. I took my bright yellow bag, and took it to my car with a smile on my face. The girls there clearly have some idea of what I was doing, but they were at least nice enough to be professional about the situation.  I was happy, because I stayed calm and didn't flinch, shake, or make an awkward excuse at any point.  I know Forever21 is mocked, but they had some good deals on the website.  I got in my car and smiled all the way home.

I feel like, not that I was standing up to everyone there, because they were all indifferent for the most part, I was standing up to myself. I was tossing my give a fucks in the trash located outside the door.

It felt soooo good.

I came home, had a shower/shave. Got dressed, and spent maybe 10 minutes on my makeup....I'm still learning....but hopefully getting better. I was so excited! 2 new dresses, A pair of hot pink tights, and a set of giant (70mm) hoop earrings! I've always wanted earrings like these. I say these, but I can only wear one.  I plan on getting my other ear pierced soon. I saw a music video in 1990, and it left a huge mark on me.  I've always wanted to feel them. SOOOOOO glad I bought them (I then spent 30 minutes trying to put the small hoop I currently have back in my ear....I haven't taken it out in a long while).

As I said in my last picture posting. I'm not pretty. I know that. You don't need to tell me. But this about me taking a step. Because one day I will be hot. One day.

I've had a good night, I'm dressed. I'm relaxed. I'm.....tired now. But despite the other problems in my life, I'm feeling good about myself. Now we can let the Internet ruin that! (ED NOTE -that last line was a joke people :)

Thanks,
 -C

Gawd! I wish this me at my computer, and GAWD I am so glad this is not my computer! Is that an external CD-ROM drive? And why is she typing onto a 1980's television? But seriously I'd deal with that ancient tech to be the beauty pictured, obviously. I just wish this was how I looked when I made posts.

After talking about painting my nails last night, it's literally (I know that "literally" is an over-used and incorrect term, but my backspace key is running low on giving a shit) all I could think about today at work.  Yes, I said I was a nail bitter. It's a terrible habit, but subconsciously I haven't done it. I've wanted to change, and I've done well in that aspect so far without even realizing it. I suppose I am capable of changing myself. It's stupid and small, but...it feels like a lot to me. Today, I kept staring at them and imaging them a pretty colour. I've been listening to some guided hypnosis videos on YouTube since the weekend. Maybe this overwhelming desire is due to that, does it actually work? Or maybe it's just ME coming out. Either way, I love it.

I made a friend.

Sad that my dresses and other items were not delivered today. I really was hoping they would be.  I might actually look hot in them (I have low standards for myself at this stage). I will show them off when I get them.

So I came home from work, shaved, showered, put on my favorite clothes and a little makeup. Made a salad -trying to shed a few pounds (I'm not over-weight, but I'd like to look better in my new clothes!) then sat down to answer some messages and update this blog.

I'm relaxed, I'm happy, although a little anxious to find out if my rental application is accepted for that new apartment.  But, overall, at the moment -I feel good -which I haven't felt in a long time. I may only dress in private at the moment which makes this a dual life, but it's one that I've longed for. I actually have been waking up happy, and looking forward to what the day will bring.  Is this a life? Is this what it should be? If it is, I love life.
-------------------------------------------------------
I love music, and while I haven't been too "down" with what's happening on the "scene" lately. From time to time if I like a song, I may add it to my post.   Sometimes it will be relevant, often not...just something I like at the moment, or something that's been on my mind....but, I'm not making anyone listen. ALSO, I hate the images that music video's leave with you, so please try to not watch the video if that's what I post. Experience in it's true form. Hopefully you'll enjoy.

Thanks again to everyone for the support.

-C

Sooo...I'm making this blog about me. Hope you are okay with that. If not...go somewhere else.

Long day. I went and visited an apartment. I'm moving, ex and I broke up. I like the place and I hope I get it, although it's on the 17th floor (top) of the building...I don't like heights...but it's a nice place. It will be the place I finally can be myself.

Back to my current residence, I was in the lobby of my building.. My mail-carrier, delivered my latest order from my online shopping.  And that's great, because he asked if I was Tyra,. in the middle of a busy apartment lobby.  He knows my face, and I've ordered a lot of things lately. Whatever. He came to my door a few minutes later with my packages. I signed, end of story. I've been walking around the place in my hot-pink pants...you, know something to relax in...and then my landlord knocked on the door.  It was an awkward exchange...to say the least. I kept it professional, but he couldn't keep his eyes off of what I was wearing.  I had no time to change, but I'm leaving here in a month so what does it matter? The fucks I give have run dry. Can't I cross-dress in a little bit of privacy? If they all want to watch, let me know! I welcome it.

I got my new lip-liner, my new foundation. In a day or two I'll have 3 new dresses from Forever 21.  Yes....I'm 33....but whatever.  I haven't cut my nails in a week, and will be painting them soon. I get to wear gloves at work!  Actually  that is a big step for me. Nail biter.

I'm still lonely, and depressed, but getting better, even if it's on my own. Thank you.

Gonna make a change.

Hey everyone, it's Cintia again.

I haven't liked the forum I've been expressing myself on for a little while now. I mean, I love the presentation at Tumblr, but the interaction and how I want to do things haven't been the way I'd hoped.  I'm coming back to Blogger...partially.

From now on this blog will be about ME, and my life, my experiences, my likes, my rants, my....experiences as I start living the life I want to live.  Maybe it will be boring and I'll lose some followers, but this is the way I'd like to do it.

My TG captions will be posted only on my Tumblr site. Sorry, like I said....I like the "prettiness" of my Tumblr! 

I hope you will check out both spots, or one, or the other -this is just what I want to do. But anyone who has followed me over the years will know I'm up for a change -for now this is what it is.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me. And PLEASE, contact me, message me, comment...I could use the support right now.

Love, Cintia:)

Changing Teams

Would I be better off back posting here on Blogger, rather than my Tumblr site?  Let me know, I'm thinking I'd be better off here.

Thanks,
-Cintia

Cintia Now Alive -PLS Read

I now consider September 30^th my birthday.

A little about me.

I'm 33.I drink more than I should. I smoke too much. I eat healthy though. I recently broke up with my girlfriend who I was living with for the last two years (for unrelated reasons). I'm 6'2”. I'm male (physically). I have always felt like a female, born in the wrong body...you've probably heard this before. I have male pattern baldness so I shave my head. I shave everything. I love lipstick. I love hockey. I love music, and I love art. I love to write -but have no concept of punctuation. I loved my ex.

I've dressed in secret since I was a pre-teen. Been caught a few times awkwardly. But generally lived the masculine life people assumed I should have. Basically, while people might think of me as a little odd, I'm presenting the facade of an average man. I've been miserable, lost, and feeling alone (when not online) most of my life. Until....

I began dressing again. Regularly -I live alone now. And that's okay. I've spent October so far, despite 16 hours (at work) en femme. It feels so right! For the first time in years I feel happy, I feel carefree, I feel....alive!

I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone, but reading and watching things online has made me feel like I should share or at least talk about my....change. I have sooooooo much respect for everyone in this community. Maybe I'm not a part of it, you can hate if you want, but I want to share my experience.

So, I realized, after the ex left, that I am finally free to do what I want, to be who I choose, to line-drop Soup Dragons lyrics. Any ol' time.

I ordered a bunch of clothes and make-up online. Through Walmart Canada. They don't have the best selection, but I did surprisingly well. Sizing wasn't much of an issue, although I definitely picked the wrong shade of foundation. More on that later. I've since made orders through Victoria's Secret, Sephoria, and Stag Shop. Sexy Sexy Sexy! (Or horribly awkward)

So I ordered from Walmart. They have general things to get me started, but nothing very sexy or exciting. That said, they are female clothes brought to my door in an unmarked box that shipped in 48 hours. The mail carrier doesn't even know he's my cross-dressing supplier!

So, I had to go out that night -the night my items arrived. (helping a friend learn guitar). But I was two hours late because I couldn't resist trying things on. Teaching him how to play Blue Rodeo songs wasn't cutting it,all I could think about was getting back home and putting my stockings back on.

Next day -day off, I re-acquainted myself with makeup. Skynet went over better. However I kept at it. I watched some videos on YouTube, read some fashion websites....and now, I'm not anywhere near passable, but sooooooooooooooo much better.

Night and day. That's how much I have learned in this last week. How to shade, how to properly apply mascara, how pink lipstick doesn't look good on me.

I've placed two more orders online. I've learned ways to make your male chest look like breasts. I've discovered contouring powder! I have placed my first order with Victoria's Secret! I have just now painted my toenails....bright pink!

There are people out there who will say I'm an amateur. That is fine. I am. I'm just trying to share my experience.

I'm not ready to come out yet (besides to my mail carrier- because WTF), but I feel I am making progress.

Currently what I have:

6 Bras

3 Panties

5 pairs of Pantyhose

Essential Makeup

3 Dresses

2 pairs of Yoga Pants

1 Waist Cincher

1 Camisole

On Order:

1 Wig

1 Corset

6 Dresses

2 pairs of leggings

1 pair of pink jeans

3 pairs of thigh high stockings

2 VS Push Up Bra's

Makeup Forever Contouring Powder

Various Lip liners and Lipsticks

Brushes

Highlighter Pen

Next step-Leather/PVC

I love my new life.

-Me

Away we go

Absolutley no guarantee I'm going to do much more captioning, but I made three crappy captions tonight and posted them at a new address.  I guess it's a start.

Why not add them here? I wanted to try something new as I often do.

Thanks,

-CD
http://cintiadintia.tumblr.com/

Business -1

Delay

Took the day off today, and have done nothing but rate the captions I have on my computer, check out the Haven, and think of ideas for new captions.

I have a 4 or 5 part series on the way...but I want my captions from now on to be quality not quantity...so it could be a little while before I'm done.  I have the pictures and the basic story idea, so it's just a matter of working it all out in my mind.

Thanks to anyone who still reads this.

Grow my hair for two and a half years because I want to be feminine and style it in girly ways in private.

Shave my head and all the women I know tell me it looks sexy.

Not the sexy I'm looking for.

If they only knew what I really wanted.

An Open Letter To Drew

Ms. Barrymore, I've only been slightly (okay...that's not true) attracted to you since the mid 90's....although, I thought you were really hot in Donnie Darko for some reason. Okay, okay...you are super hot, and I want to be you, but I always say I don't want to be a blond to prove some kind of irrelevant point....it doesn't matter. Let me get to the point okay.

You got a contract with Covergirl, and now you are just making me jealous. Extremely, extremely jealous

Especially when you go from upper to lower lip. It is...perfection!

Please stop telling me what are my lips....because you don't know what mine are lacking.

Thank you,


Sincerely,
-Cintia D.

What an ass!

Selfish Ideas

Fitting Dress

Shit

Trouble At The Hen House

Hair Advice (Before I Shave It All Off And Buy A Wig)

I don't know why I never thought to ask about this before, because there is probably someone out there who could help me....but I don't always make good decisions....for example trading Nirvana's Nevermind for the Gin Blossoms Good Real Feeling (?)(but I actually prefer that album anyway).

Anyway, I shaved my head for a few years but have been growing it for the last two and a half. I wear it in a pony tail at work because it kind of looks professional. At home I let it hang out. It's down past my shoulder blades. But it looks terrible - very frizzy...although on friday one female customer told me it looked good on a guy....and I wanted to tell her I wanted to have her hair.....so that's that.

I have thick, somewhat curly hair (girls always tell me they wish they had my hair), in the summer it is very frizzy....and all I want is straight sleek hair...because at least from there I could mess around with it.  I want to play with my hair and try to create different styles.

I don't have any special tools or anything because I don't know what to buy, and I don't know what I can discreetly get away with buying in the drug store( If anyone has a discreet enough cosmetic/beauty supply online delivery service please let me know).  I want to buy a straight iron, but ....yeah, they'd know it was for me...and I know too many people around here. I have a couple of brushes and combs that I bought out of town...and an aunt who sell's Avon.

I don't use any mouse (Moose) or gel anymore....I've never been good with hair....male or female...I use TresSemme conditioner and Pantene Smooth and Sleek Shampoo....

I use to dye my hair all the time. I've been blonde, Red, Brunette, and the darkest raven haired black you've ever seen.  I want highlights...I want curls...I want sleek, I want braids...I want Cindy Crawford waves....I use to dye my hair to show how I wanted what I want to be....I just didn't know it yet.....a bright red hair dye that turned out pink....I hated -But so much of me loved!

I want to one day go to a salon and tell them to make me beautiful....and  in our world we know what that means....but I just want, at the minimum to make me look girly but enough not to be too girly...until I come out.

I'm not looking for a quick fix, but if anyone has an idea to help me out...I just for once in my life want to have GIRL hair before my damn genes tell me I can't (baldness).

Basically, I just want to know more than I learned growing up...wash, rinse, repeat....I follow that very well...I love hair and how it can transform a person.....I want to be able to do that to myself while I can.

I've been told I'm a very sexy looking shaved head guy, but, if they only knew what I really want.

-Me

Sudden (Possible) Creativity

Transformation Commercial

A couple of changes of gender....but just a commerical for a haircutting chain. I especially like the first and last girls.

Satis....fact...ion

A little dirtier than some of my other posts.  Trying to come back with some caps.