Cintia Now Alive -PLS Read

I now consider September 30^th my birthday.

A little about me.

I'm 33.I drink more than I should. I smoke too much. I eat healthy though. I recently broke up with my girlfriend who I was living with for the last two years (for unrelated reasons). I'm 6'2”. I'm male (physically). I have always felt like a female, born in the wrong body...you've probably heard this before. I have male pattern baldness so I shave my head. I shave everything. I love lipstick. I love hockey. I love music, and I love art. I love to write -but have no concept of punctuation. I loved my ex.

I've dressed in secret since I was a pre-teen. Been caught a few times awkwardly. But generally lived the masculine life people assumed I should have. Basically, while people might think of me as a little odd, I'm presenting the facade of an average man. I've been miserable, lost, and feeling alone (when not online) most of my life. Until....

I began dressing again. Regularly -I live alone now. And that's okay. I've spent October so far, despite 16 hours (at work) en femme. It feels so right! For the first time in years I feel happy, I feel carefree, I feel....alive!

I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone, but reading and watching things online has made me feel like I should share or at least talk about my....change. I have sooooooo much respect for everyone in this community. Maybe I'm not a part of it, you can hate if you want, but I want to share my experience.

So, I realized, after the ex left, that I am finally free to do what I want, to be who I choose, to line-drop Soup Dragons lyrics. Any ol' time.

I ordered a bunch of clothes and make-up online. Through Walmart Canada. They don't have the best selection, but I did surprisingly well. Sizing wasn't much of an issue, although I definitely picked the wrong shade of foundation. More on that later. I've since made orders through Victoria's Secret, Sephoria, and Stag Shop. Sexy Sexy Sexy! (Or horribly awkward)

So I ordered from Walmart. They have general things to get me started, but nothing very sexy or exciting. That said, they are female clothes brought to my door in an unmarked box that shipped in 48 hours. The mail carrier doesn't even know he's my cross-dressing supplier!

So, I had to go out that night -the night my items arrived. (helping a friend learn guitar). But I was two hours late because I couldn't resist trying things on. Teaching him how to play Blue Rodeo songs wasn't cutting it,all I could think about was getting back home and putting my stockings back on.

Next day -day off, I re-acquainted myself with makeup. Skynet went over better. However I kept at it. I watched some videos on YouTube, read some fashion websites....and now, I'm not anywhere near passable, but sooooooooooooooo much better.

Night and day. That's how much I have learned in this last week. How to shade, how to properly apply mascara, how pink lipstick doesn't look good on me.

I've placed two more orders online. I've learned ways to make your male chest look like breasts. I've discovered contouring powder! I have placed my first order with Victoria's Secret! I have just now painted my toenails....bright pink!

There are people out there who will say I'm an amateur. That is fine. I am. I'm just trying to share my experience.

I'm not ready to come out yet (besides to my mail carrier- because WTF), but I feel I am making progress.

Currently what I have:

6 Bras

3 Panties

5 pairs of Pantyhose

Essential Makeup

3 Dresses

2 pairs of Yoga Pants

1 Waist Cincher

1 Camisole

On Order:

1 Wig

1 Corset

6 Dresses

2 pairs of leggings

1 pair of pink jeans

3 pairs of thigh high stockings

2 VS Push Up Bra's

Makeup Forever Contouring Powder

Various Lip liners and Lipsticks

Brushes

Highlighter Pen

Next step-Leather/PVC

I love my new life.

-Me